Writing term 4

Today you are being asked to look back over your writing this term and choose your favourite example.  You will need to say why it is your favourite in one of the boxes below.  You will also need to show that you have responded to a comment from the teacher by changing (improving) something in your writing.

Copy and paste or type your chosen example in this box below.

Tyler Early one sunny morning as I was dreaming about warming up at the cross country. But andhisly it wasn't a dream it was me at the start line. I was ready for it. I had been waiting for a long time for the day to come.Bang!  I blasted off the start the crowd was cheering me on. I was skidding.q I took some water with me. I felt like I was going as fast as Flash.Boom. I took second place as we zoomed down the field . I was desperate to get some water in me. I didn't stop one bit and I just ceped pumping my legs up ,down ,up and down .I still was in second for the last lap. I was Anxious to get first place. I was powering my legs as hard as I could. It was the last stretch second place i didn't achieve my goal.  It lest I tried my best  I said. My best friend came first. I went to go and get some water. I finally got to get water .I drank it all.  I was energetic. I think I was going 1000cc. It was longer than last by 90 meters. I was so happy. My heart was pounding.I heard birds chirping in the glistening  hot sun. I saw  blue clouds bushing together with the light sun melting the bright clouds. There was mud flicking  everywhere. Shoowww. As reco zoomed past. He was coming first. Reco is now the farsis person in the school. That's why we're all so quick. They were huffing and puffing. We were warming down at morning tea time so we weren't so tired. I am 8 years old. The ground is so rough I thought to myself.

I chose this example because…

I like cross country and I put lots of effort and it took 1 week to write it. I think I put some good describing words too.

Comment from the teacher:

You have a great skill at writing about action events Tyler.  You do use a lot of interesting sentences with different lengths very successfully.  It is important though that you separate your sentences correctly all the time so that your readers can enjoy your sentences properly.  For example I was desperate to get some water in me I didn't stop one bit and I just ceped pumping my legs up ,down ,up and down I still was in second for the last lap. Can you find the two places where you should put capitals and full stops in this part of your text to help your writing to flow smoothly?

How I used the information in this comment to improve

by adding my capital letters and full stops in .

What I need to work on now to improve my writing:

by adding speech and  more punchuashen but like ,’,?! “.     [     ]